KNITTING WITHOUT DOG HAIR IS NOT AN OPTION

My SIL and her husband went back home to Vermont this morning. As I said before, they were a big help and support the last few days. Yesterday was our last evening together and we did something special to honor Irwin. We watched “A Day at the Races” with the Marx Brothers. I once gave Irwin the whole collection of Marx Brothers movies and so we didn’t even have to go out to rent it. We all laughed a lot, especially when the quote came up we thought about putting on the card: “Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.”

So now, it's facing the facts for me. I am alone and I have to get on with my life without Irwin which is so unbelievable. I keep getting phone calls from Irwin's friends who can't believe that he is gone. I know I can't believe it either. But yesterday was somewhat of a special day when we picked up his remains. I think it starts sinking in that he is really, really gone.

My boss called me today to check on me and he asked me how I was doing. We haven't talked since Wednesday morning and therefore I told him what arrangements we had planned and that Irwin was cremated in the meantime. And then he asked what kind of service we had and he was surprised when I told him that there was no service yet. He asked about where “they” were holding onto Irwin until we had some kind of service because in Germany you can't take the ashes homes. By law, they will have to remain at the cemetery in a plot. When I told him that Irwin was in a box at home, residing in our dining room sideboard next to his favorite Riedel wine glasses, my boss started to laugh and said that only I could come up with such a resting place for my husband. I will go to work on Monday for a few hours and have our IT guy set up my laptop to logon from home. That way, if I have a terrible time at work, I can just go home and work from there and I don’t have to face people with my puffy eyes.

After I dropped the Vermonters off at the airport this morning, I went to visit Jane and Mittens.

I figured I would visit with a few close friends at the beginning and then get out in public more. I still need a lot of space - after all it just happened six freakin’ days ago. Jane and I had a very quiet visit, except when Mittens - who misses his little brother Socks who is at the vet at the moment - tried to get our attention and either chewed on Jane’s hair or my flip-flops. We talked for several hours and I even knitted a few rows. The first rows ever since I came back from Germany on Tuesday. It just takes another knitter to inspire. ;-)

I realized over the last few days how differently people grief in Germany and here in the US. In Germany grief is something very private. People pay their respects at a memorial service or mass and maybe get together for a meal. Other than that you have to call upon your friends when you need help. In the US it is very different. The support is very open and you get food, people offer to run errands, etc. I can see that people might get overwhelmed both ways and so far I have had a very healthy balance between enough space to grief and a fridge that has never been fuller. I got a lot of fruit which I love and I tried to convince Hermione and Noah that bananas would be just as good as dog food but somehow they didn’t trust me…

My parents call every day to check on me and they can’t believe when I tell them how wonderful my friends take care of everything. When my brother called today, he joked and said, “Hey, if you play your cards right, you can have someone clean your house and dog sit for you for a while.” Well, little bro, that might be a little abusive, I think. Plus, I discovered the soothing comfort of cleaning. And I am not a big fan of having other people clean up my mess.

Anyways, I am still so in awe over all the kindness and offers to help. Just wonderful to feel all this love!

I took the pooches for a walk a little while ago and the walk turned into quite a big loop. I just felt like walking even tho’ it was pretty hot. And I think I exhausted Hermione and Noah. Poor things, they are currently pretending that they are a piece of rug next to my feet.